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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25251244">You aren't what you say you are.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandomnerdfrogs/pseuds/Fandomnerdfrogs'>Fandomnerdfrogs</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Brotherly Bonding, Depression, Gen, Illnesses, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, References to Depression, Self-Worth Issues, Tags May Change</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:29:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,564</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25251244</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandomnerdfrogs/pseuds/Fandomnerdfrogs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Leo got sick from an infectious disease and was locked in his room. But his brothers need him on missions and being trapped with your thoughts isn't always good for you health.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>85</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Thoughts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My friends on the discord server helped me with this so thank you all so much! And you know who you are.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Thoughts ran around his head. He saw his brothers hurt. He saw them failing over and over again and he couldn't do anything. They left an hour before he saw them again and they could hardly walk when he did. He just felt useless. It was the stupid illness. Donnie told him it would clear in yet another weeks time but he'd already seen the damage of five days without him. He couldn't do anything in fear of making them sick too but he had to help them.<br/>
"We need to figure out quick escape without portals. Any ideas Don?" Raph said from across the lair.<br/>
They didn't know the thin plastic layer substituting for his door could subtly amplify sounds. It wasnt something they would think about. They weren't on the dangerous side of it. But he was. They'd locked him up like a rabid animal. He wasn't. He knew how to keep them safe outside the quarantine zone. Wear a mask, use hand gel and spray down surfaces he touched.  But they couldn't risk it. He was fine with it. How couldnt he be? They didnt even seem to acknowledge him unless he texted them for something and that wasn't often. Tears stated falling down his face. He felt alone. He felt useless. He felt abandoned. By everyone. </p><p>Mikey started stretching the pain away. It had been five days without Leo by his side fighting with them and they needed him. He was an excellent fighter and helped them when it got too hard. But now, he was stuck in the quarantine zone without anything. Mikey thought how hard it would be alone with his thoughts for more than five minutes and he shuddered. He vaugley remembered a conversation about quick escapes and the genius idea of smoke bombs to distract their enemies. It wouldn't be too hard- Donnie said, assuring them he could do it with no hitches. His phone buzzed and he swiftly looked at his messages.</p><p>April:<br/>
Hey what u up 2?<br/>
Wanna hang soon?</p><p>He typed in his rsponse and statted stretching again. His phone buzzed again and he expexted April to respond. But it wasnt her.</p><p>Neon Leon:<br/>
Hey can we talk? </p><p>Since when did Leo want to talk? </p><p>'Sure. When and what abt?' He sent, still slightly confused.</p><p>'Now. And its easier in person'</p><p>This couldn't have been good.</p><p>He slowly made his way towards the zone where Leo was sitting, cross legged with his head resting against the wall.<br/>
"Leo? Are you okay?" He asked, sitting next to Leo as best he could.<br/>
Leo turned to his brother with tears still flowing down his face.<br/>
"Oh Leo. Are your meds not working? Do you want some aspirin?" Mikey asked, putting his hand to the wall.<br/>
Leo shook his head and started muttering to himself.<br/>
Mikey didnt know what to think. He hadn't seen Leo like this since they were young.<br/>
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Mikey whispered, facing his brother properly.<br/>
"You guys got hurt." He said, slightly louder than before.<br/>
"We get hurt all the time. Is it because you arent with us?"<br/>
Leo nodded, "I should be there helping you. I can help but you won't let me. I just feel useless. I am useless."<br/>
Leo whispered the last sentence but Mikey heard.<br/>
Mikey looked down, surprised. "You're sick. You need to rest. We can handle this." He stood up and slowly walked away.<br/>
He wanted to argue with himself. He wanted to be there for his brother. But he had to be a good brother. He had to make sure Leo recovered before he could help them. He didn't want any of what happened.</p><p>The thoughts kept coming. They kept attacking him. Raph was meant to be the big brother. The one who cared about physical health. Mikey was meant to listen. The one to care about psychology and mental health. But he just ignored him. Leo didn't know how to think. He felt sick. His mind went blank and his vision went blurry. His throat clamped up and he couldn't breathe. He clawed at his throat, begging for it to stop. He was overreacting. He was being stupid. He was being useless. His mind circled back to that word.<br/>
Useless.<br/>
That was all he felt. He couldn't do anything. He was useless. He couldn't get Mikey to listen to him. Useless. He couldnt see reason. Useless. He turned around and in a fit of fury he punched the wall. His hand let out a sharp crack sound and he wailed in pain. Cradling his hand, his mind repeated that word in his head.<br/>
Useless. </p><p>Mikey poured himself another cup of orange juice, determined to drink away his sorrows. Raph and donnie were looking at him in concern, not asking him what made him miserable. They assumed it was their latest defeat but they couldnt be sure.<br/>
"Mikey. You okay?" Donnie asked.<br/>
That was unlike Donnie.<br/>
"Yeah. Its just something Leo said. It's been bugging me." He admitted, finishing his glass.<br/>
Raph and Donnie glanced at eachother before cautiously continuing.<br/>
"What did he say?" Raph asked, concerned.<br/>
"He- he said he was useless." Mikey muttered.<br/>
The three looked down. They didn't know what to do.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Memories.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The lair was eerily silent. No sounds came from the living room. There were no sounds of spray paint cans or skateboards. There were no sounds coming from the dojo. There was nothing. April crept through the lair wandering what was going on. She looked down at her phone and re-read the text from Mikey, trying to figure out if she read it wrong.</p><p>Mikey:<br/>
Wanna come over now?</p><p>It wasn't like him to bail and not tell her. Maybe they were throwing a suprise? The possibilities ran through her mind but she didn't falter. Looking across the lair she sighed. No sign of them. Her stomach started growling at her. She figured the boys would have some leftovers or they saved her a pot of Chinese food. </p><p>She peered around the door frame and saw her friends stood around the table.<br/>
"What's going on?" She asked tentatively.<br/>
The three looked her and seemed to snap back to reality.<br/>
"Nothing. Just some bad news. Why are you here?" Raph said, walking over and hugging her.<br/>
"I asked Mikey if we could hang out and he wanted to hang out now. But, um, what news?" She asked, looking at them.<br/>
"It's fine. We could use a distraction anyway. Where do you wanna go?" Donnie rushed, deflecting from what happened.<br/>
"Hidden city? We could do some exploration together since last time was a bit of a failure for us all." She suggested after a moment of thinking.<br/>
"Sounds fun. I heard the zoo has some cool animals." Mikey mentioned, rummaging for snacks he could take with them.<br/>
"Should someone tell Leo where we're going?" April asked, causing the turtles to pause.<br/>
Raph cleared his throat and volunteered before slowly walking away. </p><p>Leo managed to bandage his hand with the blanket he was given and wimpered when he touched it. He berated himself for overreacting. There was no reason to and yet he still did it. He was useless wasn't he?<br/>
"Hey Leo? You okay?" Someone asked from behind him.<br/>
"I'll be fine. I always am." He responded, slightly turnung around to face his brother.<br/>
"But are you fine now?" Raph asked, trying not to push.<br/>
"What do you want Raph?"<br/>
Raph stepped back at Leo's tone. He knew Leo could be snarky, but he wasnt bitter or snide.<br/>
"We're going to take April to the hidden city zoo. We just wanted to let you know."<br/>
Now they were abandoning him.<br/>
"Okay. Try and bring me back something cool." Leo said, forcing a smile.<br/>
Raph noticed the bandage around Leo's hand.<br/>
"What happened to your hand?"<br/>
"I punched the wall and broke it. I was practicing what I could for hand-to-hand and I got too close to the wall. I'll be fine." Leo said, flexing his hand.<br/>
Raph sighed and started to step back.<br/>
"Text us if you need anything. I mean that Leo. Anything."<br/>
Leo nodded and watched as Raph walked away. So Mikey probably told them what he said. So what? He could live with that. But they were leaving him for a zoo. Abandoning him for a day trip.<br/>
He stood up and started pacing around his room. He heard the faint sound of his brothers and April leaving. He was alone. Abandoned. Useless. </p><p>Splinter woke with a jerk. He knew something was off. Or at least worse. He felt a shift in the 'natural balance' when Leo got quarantined and it only got worse when his sons started to get hurt. Something wasn't right. His eyes wandered over his collection of items, random things he had found over the years and gifts his sons had bought him. His eyes settled on the latest addition. A small figurine from his years as a battle nexus fighter. According to his sons, Donnie had found it in an old woman's shop. She was selling it off as a vintage figurine of a hero in the hidden city. Somehow they managed to get it for free when Leo showed interest.<br/>
"If she still has a figurine of dad, she's probably a fan. And if you recall, I did win so she'd know who I am." He explained.<br/>
Splinter took it off the shelf and started turning it over in his hands. It wasn't of him now. It was him before his new 'birthday' as his sons called it. It was a memory. A small fraction of his life. A time when he didn't know what would happen, when he hadn't had a future. Tears fell down his face and onto his figurine. He put it back and wiped his face. He couldn't think of his past when he had a future. He slowly walked out of his room and towards the kitchen, hoping for some food.<br/>
Stepping into the kitchen made him think, he should've seen or heard at least one of his sons. They could handle themselves, he figured. He trained them to be independent and he was proud of them. He opened the fridge and saw a small note on a bowl with his name on it.</p><p>'Pops, we went out to the hidden city zoo with April. We left you some cereal. Can you spend time with Leo today? He isn't feeling that great and we think he could use some company. Text us if you need anything, love you, the boys. Xx'<br/>

Splinter folded the note and placed it in his pocket as he grapped the bowl and spoon. He ate in peace- a rarity since his second birthday- and got lost in thought. Memories flooded back to him. Some good, some bad. Most were of his new life, watching his sons grow up, training them and almost losing them to his old enemies. He finished his breakfast and started washing up, allowing for more time with his thoughts. Maybe his new life wasn't so bad after all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please leave feedback and comments and I hope you enjoyed!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. It's going to be okay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The hidden city zoo was filled with creatures they had only seen in books. There were griffons, manticores, mammoths, all remnants of past earth life.<br/>
"Okay so we passed the Krakens- I guenuenly thought they woukd be bigger- and there should be the dodos around the corner." Mikey said after studying the map they recieved upon entry.<br/>
"So all of the extinct and mythological creatures are here in the hidden city? That is awesome." April said, looking through her camera roll of images.<br/>
"I wish Leo could've seen this, he would've loved the dragons. They were his absolute favourite." Raph said, pointing to the dragon enclosure.<br/>
"I read up at the beginning and they took four of each animal before they went extinct. They also have some dinosaurs and I can't wait to see them. For science!" Donnie explained, pointing to the dinosaur display.<br/>
The four laughed and started walking towards the dodos, trying to avoid anyone who might recognise them.<br/>
Mikey suddenly decided to say something: "Can I go back and check on Leo? He's probably feeling down and I'd rather he wasn't alone right now."<br/>
The others looked at each other and nodded.<br/>
"Go for it. Make sure he's okay." Raph said, patting his brother on the shoulder.<br/>
Mikey smiled and started walking away, texting Leo he was coming.</p><p>Splinter sat next to his son and looked at him. Blue was hurt. He was in pain in more ways that one.<br/>
"Hey pops." He said, forcing a smile.<br/>
"Leo, what's wrong?" He asked, immediately knowing something was off.<br/>
"Its nothing." Leo whispered, his smile faltering.<br/>
"Leo... You have to tell me so we can fix this." Splinter said, coaxing the information out of his son.<br/>
"It's going to be fine. It's just whatever this illness is." Leo strained.<br/>
Splinter's temper rose.<br/>
"Leonardo I am telling you as your sensei and father to talk to me."<br/>
"Or what? You'll ground me? Confine me to my room? Guess what? I'm already stuck with no way out. You have no upper ground dad." Leo spat.<br/>
Splinter's face dropped. He knew his son was hurt. He knew he wasn't in the right mind. But blue crossed a line.<br/>
"If that's how it's going to be then then so be it." Splinter growled, turning away.<br/>
He heard Leo muttering behind him, but he couldn't figure it out. He walked away, clenching his fists. </p><p>Leo wanted to punch something. He wanted to do things he couldn't explain. Didn't know why he wanted to but he did. He was so useless. He heard a rustling behind him and a hand on his shoulder.<br/>
"Hey Leo." Mikey said from behind him.<br/>
"You shouldn't be in here you could get sick." Leo said, pushing Mikey away.<br/>
"You're right. But you need the company."<br/>
"I'll be fine. It's just another week.  But you should leave."<br/>
"Leo..." Mikey, whispered.<br/>
Leo paused. He broke down. Sobs racked his body as he wept.<br/>
"You're okay. It's going to be okay. We're here for you no matter what. We love you." Mikey said, hugging his brother tightly.<br/>
It's going to be okay, Leo repeated in his head. </p><p>It was okay.<br/>
The two emerged from the quarantine a week after; smiles on their faces.<br/>
"Freedom at last!" Leo sighed, stretching his muscles.<br/>
"It was fifteen days." Donnie said, patting his borther on the shoulder.<br/>
"Felt like a lot longer." Leo retorted.<br/>
"My sons are you alright?" Splinter asked, emerging from the shadows.<br/>
"We worked things out. And we will be leaving you two to talk." Mikey responded, grabbing his brothers and beginning to drag them away.<br/>
Leo sighed and looked down at the ground.<br/>
"Leonardo. What I did was wrong and I want to-" Splinter begun.<br/>
"Save it." Leo interrupted.<br/>
"I'm sorry?"<br/>
"Wait no- let me start again. You didn't do anything wrong. Granted you left me pretty upset but I wasn't co-operative. And I'm sorry. I need to be able to communicate with you better and trust you more." Leo admitted, hiding his shame.<br/>
"It's okay. Things were strained with everything going on and I reacted poorly. Just tell us if anything is wrong. Please." Splinter responded, taking his sons hand.<br/>
Leo nodded.<br/>
It was going to be okay.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is the end I am sorry if this wasnt up to standard I can never end these. But I hope you enjoyed this hell of a journey! Also the mystic city zoo I head canon as all the extinct species they the yokai took to preserve life and the mythological animals are the same.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you enjoyed! Please let me know what you think and leave feedback!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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